I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
