dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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