The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want nice things and good sex
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
