tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
