$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
