Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Randomize
