I will die if light touches me.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
