I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
