Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
