I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
