who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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