You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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