he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
tell me about the eggs
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
