Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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