Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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