True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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