Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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