Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
