I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
