i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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