My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize