We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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