In the future we'll all be gay
if only i could text you this smell
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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