i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
