I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
