Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
