Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
