I'm going to jail i love you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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