Someone shit on the floor
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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