last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
