Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize