cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
