I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
