I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
