cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize