we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
