I got chris browned last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
