U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
