Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize