Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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