...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize