Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
