i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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