im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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