I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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