I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
