Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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