Im at strip club and am horny
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
