i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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