I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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