he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
