My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
