That's intense
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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