We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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