get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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