sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
