I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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