either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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