am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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