i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
