i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
