Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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