But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
