So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
