I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
