Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
