Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
